What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
15.06.2025 01:02
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
We were not on the streets..
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
But, we were locked up after school.
Why did i forgive my father ?
Where the ultimate outsiders.
Why does my mother care about my sister more than me?
I was very sick at this time too.
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
Is it safe to say that China is at least 30 years ahead of India?
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
Why do liberals have a problem with masculine men like Andrew Tate?
When she asked me how she looked .
One cannot live in the past .
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
Why do some children hate their parents?
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
Kuorans can you write a sad story about kpop?
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
How do you stop your balls from sweating?
I did it because my mum asked me too!
She was in good health!
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
Are Turks ashamed of their Islamic heritage?
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
Why am I so tired of seeing homeless people all over the place?
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
How many women have accidentally pooped their pants and became turned on afterwards?
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
So, i spoilt her more .
Was to survive, this bastard.
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
Im dying but, im not bitter.
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
Why do people have polyamorous relationships?
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
As i do to all so called friends.?
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I was writing from the time i was a small child.
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
I was seconnd youngest,
He resisted the act ,that day.
I will be 64.
She found it foreign!.
I couldn’t, believe it.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
She wouldn,t have been !
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
I had hoped to write a book about this .
I think the readers, may guess!
My mum and dad in the seventies!
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
On the 31st of Jan this month .
He was dying to do it , i knew.
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
All the time i was locked up.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
Ive learnt so much.
And who doesn’t know suffering?
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
We all went to grammer schools
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
(And it was in our own minds.)
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
Comes on , in middle age.
I have no regrets .
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
This is soul school!.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
I don,t even have a pension.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
I never cut or harmed myself..
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
I waited trembling.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
But it wasn’t much.
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
I said to her
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
I was 9 years of age.
I know ,a lot about trauma.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
I could never make a relationship work though!
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
She married twice! .
The only rule us 5 kids had .
This is how, and why children get BPD.
Put me off passion for life!!
Especially a lifetime of it.
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
She loved him until the end.
It was going to be , some day.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
So whats the point in blame.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
Would this be the day?
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
I write beautiful poetry .
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
And i lived it daily.
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
My life is so biszare .
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
My family never makes their pension either.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
But ive been too sick for many years..
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
He knew the spot.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
I was scared of men, in general
They are buried together, in the same grave..
Who then, do I blame.?
What did i know ?
Im still living with it.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.